I don’t know how long that I can hold on (I need to know)

All my life, whatever the occasion, whatever the food being served, I have preferred and reached for and made sure that I was using a “dinner fork” when eating. (That’s the long one.)

At table, in a chair with a tray, standing up in conversation, lying down Roman-like, hanging upside down rilly stoned to prove some stupid point that I can’t remember—always a dinner fork.

Salad, beef chicken fish pork, appetizers, pasta, shrimp cocktail (sacrilege!), pizza (double sacrilege!!), sashimi (triple sacrilege!!!)—always a dinner fork.

Hell, even when I deigned to eat my pizza with a fork—and Grommet only knows what the conditions were that required such an abominable act from me (I mean, if Grommet did not give us fingers to eat piazza, what DID he give us fingers for?)—it was always a dinner fork.

Long, lean, triple-tined—a man’s fork. Yes!

Well, lately, I dunno why, but a salad fork—short, seeming stubby, but still triple-tined—has been my fork of choice.

I don’t get it.

I am perplexed.

What does this mean?

It’s not the same as it ever was.

(Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was . . .)

Is this some rite of passage into old age-dom that nobody—not even Orthodox Jews, not even Russian Orthodoxes—will discuss with their yoot. (And a buck-three-eighty to you if you get the cultural allusion in that word!)

I need to know. I need to know. (‘Cause I don’t know how long I can hold on!)

3 Replies to “I don’t know how long that I can hold on (I need to know)”

  1. neal – fork it! there are some people who truly believe that size doesn’t matter. so, salad or dinner – as long as it gets the job done. you’ll be just fine! and – happy birthday!!!!

  2. SUNNY27 Apologies for the delay in responding here: I just realized that I have several “pending” comments! I have to concur: of the many, many salads that I have eaten, few were concerned over the size of my utensil. As long as I knew how to use it—you know, like when to push hard (a carrot), or when to go for a fancy move (say, with bean sprouts) —the salads considered themselves well eaten. Thanks for the input!

    AMI You know, I just find the honkin’ big spoons are less sloppy. I can get slightly more than a teaspoonful onto a tablespoon and leave enough room not to have any dribble over the side. I know, I know, it’s me. Thanks for the input! NEAL

Comments and arguments welcome!