let’s give ’em back their furshlugginer zero!

LET’S GIVE BACK THE ZERO! To hell with base-10 mathematics—it is part of the Muslim Agenda to bring down the Christian world! No more pussyfooting with ANY thing from ANY Muslims! These and similar thoughts trumped my usual commie pinko fag bleeding heart librull ratiocinating and liberated me!

And it was all due to the headline from a piece in today’s Think Progress newsletter: “High School Teacher’s Lesson In Arabic Calligraphy Prompts Closure Of Entire School District.” Apparently, all of the public schools in Augusta County, Virginia, will be closed on Friday (today) after a geography lesson caught the attention of some red-blooded American parents.

“The controversy started when a lesson in World Geography class asked students to try to copy an example of Arabic calligraphy. The phrase was a statement of Islamic faith but the students were not asked to translate the statement or to recite it. Rather, the purpose of the exercise was to give students an idea of the artistic complexity of calligraphy.”

Subtle yes, but this underhanded crap didn’t make it past one parent, who was on her toes and recognized the subtle but obvious manipulation of wee American minds. She saw the lesson for what it plainly was: an attempt by the teacher to indoctrinate her students.

The vigilant Mom rallied a protest of like-minded parents: “[The teacher] gave up the Lord’s time. She gave it up and gave it to Mohammed!”

The results?


The a local brouhaha went viral and now it has national media attention and schools are closed until this mess is cleaned up!

Zero_illo copy

Here is the offending script, which may or may not have had an affect on Matisse’s cut-outs and Arp’s collages! WARNING: Do not stare it! Prolonged exposure can cause philosophical upheaval and religious convulsion in Christian brains.

A world history lesson here

The Arabic numeral system reached Europe in the 11th century by the conquering hordes of Moors. (They also brought astronomy and such instruments as the astrolabe.) For this reason, numerals were often referred to as Arabic numerals. Beginning in the first years of the 13th century, the Italian mathematician Fibonacci (aka Leonardo of Pisa) introduced the numeral system into European mathematics. 

From the 13th century, manuals on calculation became common in Europe where they were called algorismus after the Persian mathematician al-Khwārizmī. Until the late 15th century, Arabic numerals predominated among mathematicians, while merchants preferred to use Roman numerals. By the 16th century, Arabic numerals were common throughout Europe.

We have never looked back, but perhaps we should . . .

See, all our numbers and especially the zero are part of VMC (the Vast Muslim Conspiracy), so let’s get rid of them! Let’s use some good old American know-how and invent a system of numbers of our own, untainted by Mohammedan genius!

So, let’s start by showing them there Muslims we’re onto ’em!

That we mean business!

Let’s give ’em back their furshlugginer zero!

Because really, it’s giving back nothing at all . . .


Let’s give ’em back their furshlugginer zero!

We don’t need no zeros—we got computers . . .

10 Replies to “let’s give ’em back their furshlugginer zero!”

  1. That’s it! Giv’em nuttin’!




    An’ let da great americun unwashed print ev’r thang, an use NewMath ta calculate how many 2s in ten.

    Oh, the implications for Spencerian and Palmer Method, let alone calligraphy.

    Let confusion and blitheration reign!

    If we can’t figure out the difference between Arabic Calligraphy, Arabic, Islam or Islamic, we don’t deserve what they’re gonna get.

    Gimme back my zeros, also.

    Still means “nothing”.

  2. What DID we ever do before computers? I still have my slide rule and a gadget called a pepper grinder. Steampunk, but after you learn how to use them you never need to plug in again. Excepting for the weirdweb, utterwize this conversation would take days… And it wouldn’t be recorded (somewhere) for posterity, and Mama.

    1. With computers, the facts regarding almost everything are within a few minutes of research. Alas, this ability to always be correct has had zero affect on those among us who feel it more important to be right all the time . . .

      1. I’d settle for being right some of the time! I’m ever so thankful for spell-check, Snopes, Wikipedia, and all the reliable electronic resources available at a touch.

        1. Anyone who can type a comment on Facebook can take the time to look it up (Snopes, Wikipedia, etc.) and not make an arse of himself. But you and I may be the only ones who do . . .

          1. Well, snopes hasn’t asked me for a donation yet, but Wikipedia has! Makes me wonder if they track users. Ya’know ya might be right! ‘Specially considering some of the hyper-intellectual remarks made recently by various politicians.

          2. 1. It is so rare for a righty to look something up, that I take note of it when it happens. It happened today on another guy’s Facebook page: the guy arguing with me took the time to research the topic and came back with actual facts! They still didn’t make his point, but I was impressed and AGREED WITH HIM and then got outta the conversation before it got weird!

            2. That said, I believe every non-rightwingnut reading the hypothetical Facebook conversation I have composed below will nod in recognition . . .

            RIGHTY: Obama is the WORSE President in history! He hasn’t done ONE good thing in office!

            LEFTY: Oh come on. There have been three times (3x!!!) as many jobs created during Obama’s first six years than there were in all twelve years of the two Bush administrations combined!

            RIGHTY: Bullshit!

            LEFTY: Why don’t you spend a little time looking things up on the Internet before posting this crap? It only takes a few minutes to look something up on Snopes or FactCheck or Politifcat. Then you won’t look like a buffoon.

            RIGHTY: I don’t use Snopes or any of those librull sites!

            LEFTY: Wuddaya mean librull? They’re all pretty non-partisan.

            RIGHTY: They’re all librull liars!

            LEFTY: How do you figure?

            RIGHTY: ‘Cause they post fourteen times as many articles exposing righty lies as they do leftwingnut lies!

            LEFTY: Um, have you entertained the notion that rightwingnuts lie fourteen times more often than lefties?

            It usually degenerates from there . . .

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