when are we going to see the next .400 hitter?

ON A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN SPRING TRAINING just out­side the Mets’ camp in Port St Lucie, Florida, Major League Base­ball com­mis­sioner Bob Man­fred and God are out for a walk. It’s the commissioner’s first real talk with The Almighty, and he has three questions—one about the pos­si­bility of an­other .400 hitter!—that he’s anx­ious to ask. Need­less to say, he al­lows God to dom­i­nate the conversation.

They chat about a va­riety of topics, and Man­fred is sur­prised to hear how in­ter­ested The Almighty is about hand­i­crafts and the suc­cess of Etsy. When he feels the time is right to change the sub­ject, Man­fred turns to The All Mighty and asks, “Lord, when are we going to see the next .400 hitter?”

God smiles gently and an­swers, “Ah, my son, not in your lifetime.”

Dis­mayed, Man­fred shakes his head, thinking to him­self Say it ain’t so!

But in­stead of saying that, he po­litely asks his second ques­tion: “Well then, Lord, when are we going to see the next 30-game winner?”

Again God smiles, “Ah, my son, that too will not be in your lifetime.”

Need­less to say, Man­fred is dis­mayed. Fi­nally, he asks his last and most re­al­istic ques­tion: “All right then! When are the owners going to de­vise a fair and bal­anced system to di­vide the stag­gering in­come and wealth of Major League Base­ball so that we can have parity on the playing field for the ben­efit of the fans?”

This time God looks dis­mayed and says, “Not in my lifetime!”

 

FEATURED IMAGE: This great shot of the Mets’ spring training field in Port St Lucie, Florida, was lifted from the ar­ticle “A Mets Fan’s Guide to Spring Training in Port St. Lucie” by Chris Sidnam on Tumblr. This post is ded­i­cated to my cousin and Godson, Michael “Trub­bull Is My Mid­dull Name” Umphred.

 

 

 

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