when the food is gone, I’m eating you first

Es­ti­mated reading time is 3 minutes.

I AS­SUME THAT FACE­BOOK’S ED­I­TORS are, in fact, com­puter al­go­rithms. Or, per­haps, ap­pli­cants for the po­si­tion have to score some­where on the autism spec­trum to be hired. Hell, maybe they just ain’t got no sense of humor! These guesses are based on the few run-ins that I have had with them and their warning messages.

Here is the latest: I found this sticker that was made by Best Buy stores twenty-four years ago. It reads: “Re­member / Turn your com­puter off be­fore mid­night on 12/31/99.” It’s a piece of Y2K from the tran­si­tion from 1999 into 2000 memorabilia. 

I wanted to ad­dress the dis­patching of cannabilistic preda­tors in the post-apocalyptic fu­ture brought upon by global cli­mate change but Face­book wouldn’t let me!

So, I posted the image on my Face­book page with this cap­tion: “Those were the days, my friend,” a ref­er­ence to a hit record from 1968.


BestBuy Y2K sticker 600 1
This is the Best Buy Y2K warning sticker from 1999.

When the food is gone

After a few com­ments, a friend of mine posted a new com­ment: I had a Y2K T-shirt that said, ‘When the food is gone, I’m eating you first.’

I then wrote what I thought was a clever and funny re­sponse to my friend’s re­mark:

“Fuck the Y2K non­sense and start preparing for food short­ages brought upon by global cli­mate change! I have a deal with my older neigh­bors next door that when the food runs out, they are gonna act as bait and I will be in hiding. When the can­ni­bal­istic preda­tors show up to prey upon the old and the weak, I will jump out, shoot the bas­tards, and then my neighbor and I will divvy up the meat.”

Within sec­onds, I re­ceived a warning from Face­book (of which I wish I had had the fore­sight to do a screen­shot of it). It ba­si­cally warned me that my com­ment broached the site’s re­stric­tions on making threats of vi­o­lence and that if I kept the com­ment up and run­ning, I would face repercussions.


Eating you first: image of the Y2K cover of Time magazine from January 18, 1999.
This is the cover for the Jan­uary 18, 1999, issue of Time mag­a­zine with a Christ-like figure wearing a robe and a “The End of the World!?!” sign on a crowded city street.

I’m eating you first

Being a wimp and not wanting to butt heads with the Face­book ed­i­tors (which I found is fu­tile through ex­pe­ri­ence), I deleted my orig­inal “can­nibal” com­ment and wrote a new response:

“Hah! I just wrote a hi­lar­ious re­sponse about preparing for food short­ages brought upon by global cli­mate change and im­me­di­ately re­ceived a warning from Face­book sug­gesting that I delete it or face pos­sible re­stric­tions on my account.”

And bal­ance and har­mony were re­stored in Meta­land . . . 


  Eating you first: artist's rendition of Y2K in red amid endless tremas of zeros and ones.

FEA­TURED IMAGE: The image at the top of this page was cropped from this image and then bright­ened. I found this cool image ac­com­pa­nying the ar­ticle “What Was the Y2K Scare?” on the World Atlas web­site. The first para­graph of the ar­ticle an­swers the ti­tle’s question:

“The Y2K Scare was a phe­nom­enon at the turn of the 21st cen­tury where com­puter users and pro­gram­mers feared that com­puters would stop working on De­cember 31, 1999. The phe­nom­enon was also re­ferred to as the “Mil­len­nium Bug” or “Year 2000 problem” by tech­nology ex­perts. A lot of plan­ning went into preparing for the ‘Mil­len­nium Bug.’ In fact, the scare led gov­ern­ments and pri­vate or­ga­ni­za­tions to spend mil­lions of dol­lars in an at­tempt to avert the risk.”



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