you don’t appreciate a lot of stuff until you get older

I MAY BE GETTING UP THERE IN YEARS, but sex re­mains a topic of in­terest, both in its arousing forms an in its hu­morous forms. I was re­cently emailed a col­lec­tion of quotes about sex and mar­riage and found many of them rather fun. Some were even too ac­cu­rate, making them all fun­nier. Ap­par­ently, they have been making the rounds of the in­ternet for years.

Each quote was at­trib­uted to a celebrity, most of them movie stars of the past few decades. I looked them all up on the in­ternet and found that some at­tri­bu­tions were cor­rect, others not. I se­lected the quotes I liked the most and have posted them here:

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“There are a number of me­chan­ical de­vices which in­crease sexual arousal, par­tic­u­larly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL con­vert­ible.” – P.J. O’Rourke

“I be­lieve that sex is one of the most beau­tiful, nat­ural, whole­some things that money can buy.” – Steve Martin

“You don’t ap­pre­ciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.” – Emo Philips

“It isn’t pre­mar­ital sex if you have no in­ten­tion of get­ting mar­ried.” – Drew Carey

“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve for­gotten who ties up whom.” – Joan Rivers

“Women might be able to fake or­gasms but men can fake a whole re­la­tion­ship.” – Sharon Stone

FEATURED IMAGE: The photo at the top of this page is of ac­tress Sharon Stone from the ar­ticle “10 Celebri­ties Who Are Sexier Than Ever.” Au­thor Ara Rimba wrote about Stone, “She is now 58 years old but she looks even sexier than ever. Sharon does have a firm and healthy figure. She is known to prac­tice weightlifting and Taek­wondo, the Ko­rean mar­tial art. You can watch her latest work in the TV se­ries, Agent X.”

I thought I would let the inim­itable and im­mortal Oscar Wilde have the last word: “Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”