Lost PlaneCrash beach 1500

hundreds of deaths due due to pot smoking in colorado!??!

ON JANUARY 1, 2104, Col­orado cel­e­brated the first day of legal mar­i­juana sales. The en­tire day was cov­ered by var­ious media out­lets, large and small, re­porting on the lines of ju­bi­lant cus­tomers. Alas, the next day, The Rocky Moun­tain News car­ried the head­line “Mar­i­juana Over­doses Kill 37 in Col­orado On First Day of Le­gal­iza­tion.”

The news­paper re­ported that deaths were due to mar­i­juana over­doses and re­lated is­sues and were statewide! Dr. Jack Shepard, chief of surgery at St. Luke’s Med­ical Center in Denver, told re­porters that it was com­plete chaos:

“I’ve put five col­lege stu­dents in body bags since break­fast and more are ar­riving every minute. We are seeing car­diac ar­rests, hy­pospa­dias, ac­quired trimethy­lamin­uria and mul­tiple organ fail­ures. By next week the death toll could go as high as 200, maybe 300. Someone needs to step in and stop this mad­ness. My god, why did we le­galize mar­i­juana? What were we thinking?”

Peter Swindon, pres­i­dent and CEO of local brewer Mol­son­Coors, was in­ter­viewed and re­minded everyone that they had fore­seen this:

“We told everyone this would happen. Mar­i­juana is a deadly hard­core drug that causes ad­dic­tion and de­stroys lives. When was the last time you heard of someone over­dosing on beer? All these pro-marijuana groups should be ashamed of them­selves. The vic­tims’ blood is on their hands.”

This har­rowing news was picked up by count­less web­sites and blog­gers and the death toll was spread world­wide. None of these un­of­fi­cial news sources took the time to do even rudi­men­tary re­search, or they would have dis­cov­ered any number of dis­crep­an­cies.


A very strong, foul odor

Granted, there would be a rush to cover a se­rious in­ci­dent like this, but every re­porter should have wanted to know how smoking pot was causing mul­tiple organ failure! And they should have been reaching for a dic­tio­nary to look up such fatal re­ac­tions as “hy­pospa­dias” and “ac­quired trimethy­lamin­uria.”

Had they taken those few min­utes to do some re­search, they would have dis­cov­ered that hy­pospa­dias is a con­gen­ital con­di­tion in which the opening of the ure­thra is on the un­der­side of the penis in­stead of at the tip. The ure­thra is the tube through which urine drains from your bladder and exits your body.

Trimethy­lamin­uria is a dis­order in which the body is un­able to break down trimethy­lamine, a chem­ical com­pound that has a pun­gent odor. People with this dis­order give off a very strong, very foul odor, which can smell like rot­ting fish, rot­ting eggs, garbage, or urine. It is some­times re­ferred to as fish odor syn­drome.

That is, hy­pospa­dias is a birth de­fect, and trimethy­lamin­uria is a ge­netic dis­order and al­most im­pos­sible to “ac­quire,” es­pe­cially in­stan­ta­neously.

So how did this happen?


Car­toon by Dave Granlund.

Always check your source

And I al­ways as­sumed that checking sources was im­per­a­tive in news jour­nalism. As was having at least two orig­inal sources. The sole source for the orig­inal ar­ticle was The Daily Cur­rant, which is a rea­son­ably well-known satir­ical web­site.

That’ s right—it was satire!

A little more re­search would have un­cov­ered these facts in the Cur­rant news story:

• The Rocky Moun­tain News stopped pub­li­ca­tion in 2009.
• Dr. Jack Shepard is a fic­tional char­acter in the tele­vi­sion se­ries Lost.
• Peter Swindon is a re­porter for The Sunday Herald in Scot­land.

Today those web­sites that picked up the story and ran with it unchecked might ac­cuse the Cur­rant of fab­ri­cating fake news.


No deaths, no injuries

There were no deaths due to mar­i­juana con­sump­tion on opening day in Col­orado, as there have been no deaths since. There weren’t even any in­juries on Jan­uary 1, 2018, for cus­tomers waiting in line—unlike events such as Black Friday, where people are hurt every year.

It’s a fun read, so click on over to The Daily Cur­rant site and read “Mar­i­juana Over­doses Kill 37 in Col­orado On First Day of Le­gal­iza­tion.” While you’re there, also check out “Obama Un­veils New Amer­ican Flag” and “Gov­ern­ment Opening Free Gas Sta­tions in Poor Neigh­bor­hoods.”


FEATURED IMAGE: The photo at the top of this page is from the ABC tele­vi­sion se­ries Lost. A com­mer­cial air­liner mys­te­ri­ously falls from the sky and crashes on the beach of an even more mys­te­rious is­land. This is the scene in the pilot where we meet dr. Jack Shepard (Mathew Fox), who will be­come the leader of the sur­vivors.



 

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