Zero header1 1

let’s give ’em back their furshlugginer zero!

LET’S GIVE BACK THE ZERO! To hell with base-10 mathematics—it is part of the Muslim Agenda to bring down the Chris­tian world! No more pussy­footing with ANY thing from ANY Mus­lims! These and sim­ilar thoughts trumped my usual commie pinko fag bleeding heart li­brull ra­ti­o­ci­nating and lib­er­ated me!

And it was all due to the head­line from a piece in to­day’s Think Progress newsletter: “High School Teacher’s Lesson In Arabic Cal­lig­raphy Prompts Clo­sure Of En­tire School Dis­trict.” Ap­par­ently, all of the public schools in Au­gusta County, Vir­ginia, will be closed on Friday (today) after a ge­og­raphy lesson caught the at­ten­tion of some red-blooded Amer­ican par­ents.

“The con­tro­versy started when a lesson in World Ge­og­raphy class asked stu­dents to try to copy an ex­ample of Arabic cal­lig­raphy. The phrase was a state­ment of Is­lamic faith but the stu­dents were not asked to trans­late the state­ment or to re­cite it. Rather, the pur­pose of the ex­er­cise was to give stu­dents an idea of the artistic com­plexity of cal­lig­raphy.”

Subtle yes, but this un­der­handed crap didn’t make it past one parent, who was on her toes and rec­og­nized the subtle but ob­vious ma­nip­u­la­tion of wee Amer­ican minds. She saw the lesson for what it plainly was: an at­tempt by the teacher to in­doc­tri­nate her stu­dents.

The vig­i­lant Mom ral­lied a protest of like-minded par­ents: “[The teacher] gave up the Lord’s time. She gave it up and gave it to Mo­hammed!”

The re­sults?

Voila!

The a local brouhaha went viral and now it has na­tional media at­ten­tion and schools are closed until this mess is cleaned up!

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Here is the of­fending script, which may or may not have had an af­fect on Ma­tis­se’s cut-outs and Arp’s col­lages! WARNING: Do not stare it! Pro­longed ex­po­sure can cause philo­soph­ical up­heaval and re­li­gious con­vul­sion in Chris­tian brains.

A world history lesson here

The Arabic nu­meral system reached Eu­rope in the 11th cen­tury by the con­quering hordes of Moors. (They also brought as­tronomy and such in­stru­ments as the as­tro­labe.) For this reason, nu­merals were often re­ferred to as Arabic nu­merals. Be­gin­ning in the first years of the 13th cen­tury, the Italian math­e­mati­cian Fi­bonacci (aka Leonardo of Pisa) in­tro­duced the nu­meral system into Eu­ro­pean math­e­matics. 

From the 13th cen­tury, man­uals on cal­cu­la­tion be­came common in Eu­rope where they were called al­go­rismus after the Per­sian math­e­mati­cian al-Khwārizmī. Until the late 15th cen­tury, Arabic nu­merals pre­dom­i­nated among math­e­mati­cians, while mer­chants pre­ferred to use Roman nu­merals. By the 16th cen­tury, Arabic nu­merals were common throughout Eu­rope.

We have never looked back, but per­haps we should …

See, all our num­bers and es­pe­cially the zero are part of VMC (the Vast Muslim Con­spiracy), so let’s get rid of them! Let’s use some good old Amer­ican know-how and in­vent a system of num­bers of our own, un­tainted by Mo­hammedan ge­nius!

So, let’s start by showing them there Mus­lims we’re onto ’em!

That we mean busi­ness!

Let’s give ’em back their fur­sh­lug­giner zero!

Be­cause re­ally, it’s giving back nothing at all …


ALTERNATIVE ENDING:

Let’s give ’em back their fur­sh­lug­giner zero!

We don’t need no zeros—we got com­puters …




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That’s it! Giv’em nuttin’!

Zip.

Squash.

Zilch.

An’ let da great amer­icun un­washed print ev’r thang, an use New­Math ta cal­cu­late how many 2s in ten.

Oh, the im­pli­ca­tions for Spencerian and Palmer Method, let alone cal­lig­raphy.

Let con­fu­sion and blither­a­tion reign!

If we can’t figure out the dif­fer­ence be­tween Arabic Cal­lig­raphy, Arabic, Islam or Is­lamic, we don’t de­serve what they’re gonna get.

Gimme back my zeros, also.

Still means “nothing”.

Mine, too!

Did you learn to write with The Palmer Method at Chester St. School?

What DID we ever do be­fore com­puters? I still have my slide rule and a gadget called a pepper grinder. Steam­punk, but after you learn how to use them you never need to plug in again. Ex­cepting for the weirdweb, ut­ter­wize this con­ver­sa­tion would take days… And it wouldn’t be recorded (some­where) for pos­terity, and Mama.

I’d settle for being right some of the time! I’m ever so thankful for spell-check, Snopes, Wikipedia, and all the re­li­able elec­tronic re­sources avail­able at a touch.

Well, snopes hasn’t asked me for a do­na­tion yet, but Wikipedia has! Makes me wonder if they track users. Ya’­know ya might be right! ‘Spe­cially con­sid­ering some of the hyper-intellectual re­marks made re­cently by var­ious politi­cians.