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to keep my magic true, you must do one thing

HAL HAD IT MADE! He was young, hand­some, and smart with a very good job as an ac­coun­tant with a suc­cessful local com­pany. But he had one weak spot: He liked to gamble. A lot. Un­for­tu­nately, he usu­ally lost. A lot. To catch up with his cred­i­tors, he em­bez­zled $500,000 from his em­ployer, all of which he lost gam­bling. The com­pany was due for a major audit and the ex­am­iners were coming the next day.

To­tally de­spon­dent, he walked to a nearby bridge and stood at the edge, get­ting ready to jump and end it all. Then a voice called, “Hey! Don’t jump! There’s no need to end your life. I can help you.”

Hal turned around and saw an ugly old lady who looked like every other home­less old lady. She was staring at him. “I doubt it,” he said. “I stole half a mil­lion dol­lars from my boss and I’ll prob­ably be ar­rested to­morrow.”

“I’m a witch and I can do any­thing with my magic,” she said. Then she closed her eyes, got a very fierce look on her with­ered face, and slowly started to smile. “There, it’s done,” she said. “The money has been re­placed and I’ve put an­other hun­dred thou­sand in your safe de­posit box.”

 

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This fan­tastic painting of an ap­par­ently wicked witch holding an apple is copy­righted by Sven Gerushkat, so I as­sume he is the artist. While this image is all over Pin­terest, I could not find a web­site for Sven.

He looked at her in dis­be­lief and asked, “Is this true?”

“Of course it is. I’m a witch—I can do any­thing!” she said. “But to keep my magic true, you must do one thing.”

“Any­thing,” he said. “I’ll do any­thing!”

“You must take me to a motel and make pas­sionate love to me all night long.”

He stared at her. She was so ugly he had to con­sider the offer. She no­ticed this and added, “In the morning, after we have made love, we will awaken and I will be a beau­tiful young woman. Tell me, who is the most beau­tiful woman you have ever seen.”

“Well, this is funny—I think Nicole Kidman as a red­headed witch in Prac­tical Magic is the most beau­tiful woman I have ever seen. I have dreamt of her ever since seeing the movie on Net­flix.”

The old woman grinned: “In the morning, I will look like that young lady, just as you dream of her.”

 

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To play a witch with a knack for get­ting into trouble in the 1998 movie Prac­tical Magic, Nicole Kidman col­ored her hair straw­berry red.

So he agreed to her terms and took her to a motel and, with the lights out, made love to her all night. In the morning, when he awoke, he was lying next to the old woman. “But … but …”, he stam­mered. “Nothing hap­pened! You’re … still … you!”

With a kind smile, she asked, “How old are you?”

“Thirty-two,” he said.

“Aren’t you a little old to be be­lieving in magic?”

This ar­ticle is meant to make the reader smile, maybe even chuckle a bit. Click To Tweet

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FEATURED IMAGE: The photo at the top of this page is Kevin Hines, who ac­tu­ally jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in 2000 and sur­vived. Hines had de­pres­sion and bipolar dis­order and came to the bridge be­cause he thought it would be the eas­iest way to die. As soon as he cleared the railing, how­ever, a new feeling came over him: re­gret. How he sur­vived is so good a story it’s a wonder that a movie hasn’t been made about it. For more, read “He jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and sur­vived.”

 

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TWO RIDERS WERE APPROACHING AND THE WIND BEGAN TO HOWL!

“San Francisco’s iconic Golden Gate Bridge was re­cently ren­o­vated, but some­thing the en­gi­neers failed to take into ac­count was the ter­ri­fy­ingly eerie noise the new changes would project throughout the en­tire Bay area.”

https://jalopnik.com/the-golden-gate-bridge-is-horrifying-now-1843942860?utm_source=theroot_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=2020-06-07