HAL HAD IT MADE! He was young, handsome, and smart with a very good job as an accountant with a successful local company. But he had one weak spot: He liked to gamble. A lot. Unfortunately, he usually lost. A lot. To catch up with his creditors, he embezzled $500,000 from his employer, all of which he lost gambling. The company was due for a major audit and the examiners were coming the next day.
Totally despondent, he walked to a nearby bridge and stood at the edge, getting ready to jump and end it all. Then a voice called, “Hey! Don’t jump! There’s no need to end your life. I can help you.”
Hal turned around and saw an ugly old lady who looked like every other homeless old lady. She was staring at him. “I doubt it,” he said. “I stole half a million dollars from my boss and I’ll probably be arrested tomorrow.”
“I’m a witch and I can do anything with my magic,” she said. Then she closed her eyes, got a very fierce look on her withered face, and slowly started to smile. “There, it’s done,” she said. “The money has been replaced and I’ve put another hundred thousand in your safe deposit box.”
This fantastic painting of an apparently wicked witch holding an apple is copyrighted by Sven Gerushkat, so I assume he is the artist. While this image is all over Pinterest, I could not find a website for Sven.
He looked at her in disbelief and asked, “Is this true?”
“Of course it is. I’m a witch—I can do anything!” she said. “But to keep my magic true, you must do one thing.”
“Anything,” he said. “I’ll do anything!”
“You must take me to a motel and make passionate love to me all night long.”
He stared at her. She was so ugly he had to consider the offer. She noticed this and added, “In the morning, after we have made love, we will awaken and I will be a beautiful young woman. Tell me, who is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.”
“Well, this is funny—I think Nicole Kidman as a redheaded witch in Practical Magic is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I have dreamt of her ever since seeing the movie on Netflix.”
The old woman grinned: “In the morning, I will look like that young lady, just as you dream of her.”
To play a witch with a knack for getting into trouble in the 1998 movie Practical Magic, Nicole Kidman colored her hair strawberry red.
So he agreed to her terms and took her to a motel and, with the lights out, made love to her all night. In the morning, when he awoke, he was lying next to the old woman. “But . . . but . . .”, he stammered. “Nothing happened! You’re . . . still . . . you!”
With a kind smile, she asked, “How old are you?”
“Thirty-two,” he said.
“Aren’t you a little old to be believing in magic?”This article is meant to make the reader smile, maybe even chuckle a bit. Click To Tweet
FEATURED IMAGE: The photo at the top of this page is Kevin Hines, who actually jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in 2000 and survived. Hines had depression and bipolar disorder and came to the bridge because he thought it would be the easiest way to die. As soon as he cleared the railing, however, a new feeling came over him: regret. How he survived is so good a story it’s a wonder that a movie hasn’t been made about it. For more, read “He jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and survived.”