somebody’s gotta take care of them

MY FORMER BEST BUDDY has taken up a political-social-personal po­si­tion about three feet to the right of Pres­i­dent Trump. Whereas we used to talk al­most daily about music and movies and girls and what the hell re­ally hap­pened on 9/11, our re­la­tion­ship is now ba­si­cally him sending me an oc­ca­sional email that in­sults me in par­tic­ular or lib­erals in general.

The title of his latest email was “lib­erals = id­iots” and it con­sisted of this image:

Now, I could have re­sponded with some­thing like this: “Leave it to a f*cking con­ser­v­a­tive to take to two com­plex is­sues that have ab­solutely nothing to do with one an­other, re­duce them to a level of id­iocy, create a problem that doesn’t exist in re­ality, and then blame it on liberals.”

But I didn’t.

What I wrote was this:

“Did you know that 90 per­cent of junkies and caf­feine ad­dicts are con­ser­v­a­tives? Somebody’s gotta take care of them. “

Once upon a time, he would have en­joyed the humor and (at­tempted) irony in that response . . .