SCANTILY CLAD WOMEN! Gorgeous young women (and they’re always young) wearing hardly anything at all! Where? On Facebook! They’re all over everybody’s favorite social media platform! And I regularly receive invitations to become ‘friends’ with these Facebook temptresses, these very young women wearing very little clothing.
When one receives a Friend Request on Facebook, it includes the person’s Facebook address, and therefore access to their page.
Are these Facebook temptresses part of a vast conspiracy, too despicable even for Gru?
When I don’t know the person requesting the friendship, I click on over to their page and check them out.
When the request comes from a female I don’t recognize, I often find myself looking at an incredibly attractive, scantily clad, provocatively posed young woman, doing her best Come hither look and stance.
The world’s favorite social media platform.
“Hubba hubba!” (1)
Each of these pages looks like the person just launched their first Facebook page, as they usually only have a few friends. (All male.)It also looks like one of their first urges was to ask an old hippie who looks like a pallid Papa Smurf (me) to befriend them.
Usually, there was a little background information that I assumed was window dressing (schools attended, occupation, favorite movies, etc.), and photos. Sometimes, lots of photos.
The first few times this happened (and it was several years ago), I thought the invites were … cute, and so I left bland messages complimenting the young women on their beauty and their lingerie collections.
I never heard back from any of them.
“Hubba hubba!” (2)
One more thing
As time went by, the invitations became more frequent, but the information on each page got scantier than the women’s attire.
I really don’t know much more about this phenomena. I’ve been told it’s a scam of some sorts—perhaps to get me to give a credit card number after a few minutes of exchanging pleasantries.
That hasn’t happened. 1
All these Facebook temptresses have one other thing in common: they all have three names—first, middle, and last. Where else is it been common to know a person’s middle name?
This is the poster for Conspiracy Theory as it was used to promote the movie in theaters across the country. It’s a good poster—until you see it without text (below).
My theory is that this is a conspiracy
A favorite movie of mine is Conspiracy Theory (1997) with Mel Gibson as Jerry Fletcher, a paranoid nut-job whose obsession with wacky conspiracy theories has warped his personality and his life. Here are a couple of Jerry’s observations:
• You know what they put in the water, don’t you? Fluoride. Yeah, fluoride—on the pretext that it strengthens your teeth! That’s ridiculous. You know what that stuff does to you? It weakens your will, destroys your capacity for free and creative thought, and makes you a slave to the state!
Non-Spoiler Alert! I do not give away anything of the plot of Conspiracy Theory in this article.
• You ever wonder about these militia groups—survivalist-type kooks on the rightwing side? They say they’re defending the country from UN troops. These guys are yelling so loud, my theory is that this is a conspiracy: they are the UN troops, and they’re in place. The infrastructure’s ready—it’s a fait accompli. When the time comes, they’ll just take over and we’ll all be toast. 2
Give this to Jerry: he’s an equal-opportunity theorist. He sees them on the left, he sees them on the right. 3
This is the theater poster for Conspiracy Theory prior to any text beside the title added to it. Visually, this is much more effective than the standard poster—the long shadows cast into the foreground give it Hitchcockian look and feel completely missing from the standard poster.
Lone gunmen always have three names
Of course, at its heart, the movie is a love story: another of Jerry’s obsessions is Alice Sutton (Julia Roberts), with whom he has fallen in unrequited love. (And that’s about as “spoiler” as this article will get.)
As the two characters interact, they have what passes for casual conversation for Jerry. One goes like this:
At one point, the delusional Jerry rambles on about David Berkowitz, Ted Bundy, and Richard Speck, to which Alice asks, “What about them?”
Jerry: Serial killers. Serial killers only have two names. You ever notice that? But lone gunmen assassins, they always have three names: John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, Mark David Chapman.
Alice: John Hinckley—he shot Reagan. He only has two names.
Jerry: Yeah, but he only just shot Reagan. Reagan didn’t die. If Reagan had died, I’m pretty sure we probably would all know what John Hinckley’s middle name was.
“Hubba hubba!” (3)
Is Alicia Bria Umberto your real name?
Watching the movie recently and seeing this scene made me realize something: all these gorgeous women with their provocative Facebook pages have three names.
So does that mean that all these temptresses are lone-gunmen?
Or are they part of a vast non-wing conspiracy, with secret plans too despicable even for Gru?
Are the Russians involved?
Will Robert Mueller be interested in this after wrapping up the Trump/Russia shenanigans? 4
Or is it all, like everything else, somehow Hillary’s fault?
Will we ever know?
FEATURED IMAGES: The photo here are of four smokestacks that are prominent on the NYC skyline. They are part of a power-generating facility on the shore of the East River in Queens, in a neighborhood known as Ravenswood in Long Island City. It was the world’s largest generating facility when it went into service in 1965. The image of these ‘stacks play a prominent part in the movie Conspiracy Theory.
Of course I can’t use an actual photo from someone’s Facebook page without their permission. So, instead, the scantily clad, gorgeous young women on this page are models fromWholesale 7 (“Affordable Fashion to Worldwide”), a website advertising lingerie and sleepwear, bras and sets, and bags and accessories.
1 What perfect timing: I just received (January 18, 2018) a Facebook friendship invitation from a female with three names (looks Italian) and it’s perfect. Her Facebook page has no revealing text but consists of one photo—the beautiful young woman taking a selfie—plus a video of our young tentatrice clad in nothing but heels astride a willing young buck.
The video’s caption reads, “come join me / hello dear / look at how nimble my sex game on your mobile / I hope you enjoy it.” Alas, when I clicked on the video to see how nimble her sex game was, I ended up on an error page.
2 Jerry’s best statement is, “A good conspiracy is unprovable. I mean, if you can prove it, it means they screwed up somewhere along the line.” Think on that for a while.
3 Gibson is a genuine conspiracy buff, and for his character in the movie, he mixed genuine theories with the sort of looney-tune ideas that made radio talk-show host Alex Jones a darling of the demented rightwing.
4 Why hasn’t the suffix -gate been added to this sordid business? Why isn’t the media going on and on about Trump-Russiagate? (Trumpssiagate? Trussiagate?)